10 Qualities of an Emotionally Healthy Wedding

Out of the experience of our daughter’s wedding last Saturday, we realized there is such a thing as an “Emotionally Healthy Wedding.”  Here are a few reflections as to what made it such a distinct, rich experience: 1. We Gave a Gift of a Fixed Amount of Money and Let Go. Because this was a gift, they controlled the wedding, not us. There were no strings attached. They made the decisions and asked us for input along the way 2. We Were Aware of and Managed Our Own Anxieties. There were plenty of things to worry about, from 6 inches of rain the day before our outdoor wedding, to the groom’s grandfather dying 4 days before the big day, to other people’s attitudes that were challenging. We paid attention to it and responded appropriately. 3. We Rejoiced. This was not simply a weekend event, or nine months of preparation, but a lifetime of labor in preparing Christy for the birthing of this new family. 4. We Recognized Our Peerage. Our peerage with Christy had been established years ago. (We have done it with each of our daughters in young adulthood). We were not in a one-up, adult-child relationship. 5. We Celebrated with Passion. We joined Jesus who created 150 bottles of the best wine at a wedding. There was music, dancing, wine and lots of joy. 6. We Clearly Expressed that the Most Important Thing for Us was their Premarital Preparation. This was part of our gift to them. 7. We were Profoundly Aware of the Spiritual Implications of the Day. We were mindful of the ultimate wedding feast with Jesus to which the day pointed. 8. We Recognized the Most Important Part of the Day was the Exchange of The Vows. Towards that end we put significant time and thought into guiding them in the creation of the ceremony. 9. We Created Lots of Margin.  This was not an event to squeeze into our already full lives. We created the necessary space before the wedding. 10. We Nurtured Our Own Ongoing Oneness Throughout the Wedding Weekend. We kept an on-going intimate conversation with each other amidst lots of other people and activity. We were together emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. What might you add to this list? —